I've been waiting all week to give an update on the status of my resolutions. Unfortunately, I was waiting until I initiated a certain conversation as part of my "stand up for myself" resolution, and I just can't. I'm a coward. I know in my head that I should not have to buy a new computer on my own, since I was not the one to answer the door and give it away. I even came up with a very reasonable compromise, but I just can't get up the nerve to pitch it. Our apartment is the scene of a Cold War-- we have barely talked since the incident. I don't know why I'm the scared one, but I get nervous and chicken out just before the words slip out of my mouth.
How come I cannot stand up for myself? It's so true; I will inconvenience myself almost to the point of pain before confronting others. Sometimes it's not even scary things that I avoid, just uncomfortable. I have nothing to be scared of with my roommate. She is super sheltered and has not handled anything with the apartment. I am tired of being her mother and always buying toilet paper and taking out the trash. Yet again, I would rather handle these banal activities than have an uncomfortable conversation. What does that say about me?
Almost daily though, anger boils up in me, caused by her laughing on the phone, or my sponge on the floor. At those points I want to burst into the room and ask her what her deal is. She will not sit in the same room as me and she talks on the phone for so long I seriously wonder if her family has jobs or hobbies, or if they just sit around waiting for her phone calls. What kind of life is it living in a different country to learn the language and spending every moment not at school, tucked in your bed talking to people from home?
And yet the anger is swallowed by cowardess when I convince myself yet again I want to talk to her. I have enough sense not to stoop to the passive-aggressive note-writing method, but it's not really a note-worthy conversation anyway.
Do you, dear readers, have any tips? I so wish I were one of those people who is aggressive-aggressive and gets what they want. In my mind, this conversation is followed by guilt for upsetting such a helpless soul, and maybe thats why I chicken out. How do you do it? I don't want to make life more miserable for someone who clearly hates it here anyway.
I'm not in the mood anymore to tout the triumphs of my other resolutions. Instead, I will sit here, liten to some Coldplay:Fix You, avoid contact with the roommate, and go about as usual.
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I wish I could give you some big sister advice but I can't because I have the same problem with my roommate. No she did not give my computer away, but I am the one that always cleans, always buys everything, and I get annoyed with her for laughing too loud and talking on the phone too much. My mom says to stand up for myself but I guess I am a coward too. So we are in the same boat together, although I am not on the other side of the world.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right to not want to be aggressive-aggressive. One of my roommates has that sort of personality and is very self-centered so she always gets her way but she's also highly unpopular around the apartment.
ReplyDeleteSince your roommate is sheltered you're going to have to start the conversation. She's probably completely freaked out about this too and assumes the worst (you hate her, etc) because she screwed up. You should catch her at a relaxed moment and just bring it up.
Maybe start the conversation talking about easier things like asking if she can buy the toilet paper from now on to even out the cost and maybe making a cleaning schedule. Then talk about what happened to your computer honestly and calmly and explain your idea to replace it. The worst thing that can happen is she gets angry and you two go back to not speaking and you're still without a computer. So basically it can't get any worse than it is right now.